Or in the incestuous pleasure of his bed ?
The magic was on his side, the magic explained and gave orders. He
stepped back in the outer room. "When he is drunk asleep ?" The knife
for the meat was lying on the floor near the fireplace. He picked it up
and tiptoed to the door again. "When he is drunk asleep, drunk asleep ?"
He ran across the room and stabbed?oh, the blood!?stabbed again, as
Pop頨eaved out of his sleep, lifted his hand to stab once more, but found
his wrist caught, held and?oh, oh!?twisted. He couldn't move, he was
trapped, and there were Pop駳 small black eyes, very close, staring into
his own. He looked away. There were two cuts on Pop駳 left shoulder. "Oh,
look at the blood!" Linda was crying. "Look at the blood!" She had never
been able to bear the sight of blood. Pop頬ifted his other hand?to strike
him, he thought. He stiffened to receive the blow. But the hand only
took him under the chin and turned his face, so that he had to look
again into Pop駳 eyes. For a long time, for hours and hours. And
suddenly?he couldn't help it?he began to cry. Pop頢urst out laughing.
"Go," he said, in the other Indian words. "Go, my brave Ahaiyuta." He
ran out into the other room to hide his tears.
"You are fifteen," said old Mitsima, in the Indian words. "Now I may
teach you to work the clay."
Squatting by the river, they worked together.
"First of all," said Mitsima, taking a lump of the wetted clay
between his hands, "we make a little moon." The old man squeezed the
lump into a disk, then bent up the edges, the moon became a shallow cup.
Slowly and unskilfully he imitated the old man's delicate gestures.
"A moon, a cup, and now a snake." Mitsima rolled out another piece
of clay into a long flexible cylinder, trooped it into a circle and
pressed it on to the rim of the cup. "Then another snake. And another.
And another." Round by round, Mitsima built up the sides of the pot; it
was narrow, it bulged, it narrowed again towards the neck. Mitsima
squeezed and patted, stroked and scraped; and there at last it stood, in
shape the familiar water pot of Malpais, but creamy white instead of
black, and still soft to the touch. The crooked parody of Mitsima's, his
own stood beside it. Looking at the two pots, he had to laugh.
"But the next one will be better," he said, and began to moisten
another piece of clay.
To fashion, to give form, to feel his fingers gaining in skill and
power?this gave him an extraordinary pleasure. "A, B, C, Vitamin D," he
sang to himself as he worked. "The fat's in the liver, the cod's in the
sea." And Mitsima also sang?a song about killing a bear. They worked all
day, and all day he was filled with an intense, absorbing happiness.
"Next winter," said old Mitsima, "I will teach you to make the bow."
He stood for a long time outside the house, and at last the
ceremonies within were finished. The door opened; they came out. Kothlu
came first, his right hand out-stretched and tightly closed, as though
over some precious jewel. Her clenched hand similarly outstretched,
Kiakim頦ollowed. They walked in silence, and in silence, behind them,
came the brothers and sisters and cousins and all the troop of old
people.
They walked out of the pueblo, across the mesa. At the edge of the
cliff they halted, facing the early morning sun. Kothlu opened his hand.
A pinch of corn meal lay white on the palm; he breathed on it, murmured
a few words, then threw it, a handful of white dust, towards the sun.
Kiakim頤id the same. Then Khakim駳 father stepped forward, and holding up
a feathered prayer stick, made a long prayer, then threw the stick after
the corn meal.
"It is finished," said old Mitsima in a loud voice. "They are
married."
"Well," said Linda, as they turned away, "all I can say is, it does
seem a lot of fuss to make about so little. In civilized countries, when
a boy wants to have a girl, he just ? But where are you going,
John?"
He paid no attention to her calling, but ran on, away, away,
anywhere to be by himself.
It is finished Old Mitsima's words repeated themselves in his mind.
Finished, finished ? In silence and from a long way off, but violently,
desperately, hopelessly, he had loved Kiakim鮠And now it was finished. He
was sixteen.
At the full moon, in the Antelope Kiva, secrets would be told,
secrets would be done and borne. They would go down, boys, into the kiva
and come out again, men. The boys were all afraid and at the same time
impatient. And at last it was the day. The sun went down, the moon rose.
He went with the others. Men were standing, dark, at the entrance to the
kiva; the ladder went down into the red lighted depths. Already the
leading boys had begun to climb down. Suddenly, one of the men stepped
forward, caught him by the arm, and pulled him out of the ranks. He
broke free and dodged back into his place among the others. This time
the man struck him, pulled his hair. "Not for you, white-hair!" "Not for
the son of the she-dog," said one of the other men. The boys laughed.
"Go!" And as he still hovered on the fringes of the group, "Go!" the men
shouted again. One of them bent down, took a stone, threw it. "Go, go,
go!" There was a shower of stones. Bleeding, he ran away into the
darkness. From the red-lit kiva came the noise of singing. The last of
the boys had climbed down the ladder. He was all alone.
All alone, outside the pueblo, on the bare plain of the mesa. The
rock was like bleached bones in the moonlight. Down in the valley, the
coyotes were howling at the moon. The bruises hurt him, the cuts were
still bleeding; but it was not for pain that he sobbed; it was because
he was all alone, because he had been driven out, alone, into this
skeleton world of rocks and moonlight. At the edge of the precipice he
sat down. The moon was behind him; he looked down into the black shadow
of the mesa, into the black shadow of death. He had only to take one
step, one little jump. ? He held out his right hand in the moonlight.
From the cut on his wrist the blood was still oozing. Every few seconds
a drop fell, dark, almost colourless in the dead light. Drop, drop,
drop. To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow ?
He had discovered Time and Death and God.
"Alone, always alone," the young man was saying.
The words awoke a plaintive echo in Bernard's mind. Alone, alone ?
"So am I," he said, on a gush of confidingness. "Terribly alone."
"Are you?" John looked surprised. "I thought that in the Other Place
? I mean, Linda always said that nobody was ever alone there."
Bernard blushed uncomfortably. "You see," he said, mumbling and with
averted eyes, "I'm rather different from most people, I suppose. If one
happens to be decanted different ?"
"Yes, that's just it." The young man nodded. "If one's different,
one's bound to be lonely. They're beastly to one. Do you know, they shut
me out of absolutely everything? When the other boys were sent out to
spend the night on the mountains?you know, when you have to dream which
your sacred animal is?they wouldn't let me go with the others; they
wouldn't tell me any of the secrets. I did it by myself, though," he
added. "Didn't eat anything for five days and then went out one night
alone into those mountains there." He pointed.
Patronizingly, Bernard smiled. "And did you dream of anything?" he
asked.
The other nodded. "But I mustn't tell you what." He was silent for a
little; then, in a low voice, "Once," he went on, "I did something that
none of the others did: I stood against a rock in the middle of the day,
in summer, with my arms out, like Jesus on the Cross."
"What on earth for?"
"I wanted to know what it was like being crucified. Hanging there in
the sun ?"
"But why?"
"Why? Well ?" He hesitated. "Because I felt I ought to. If Jesus
could stand it. And then, if one has done something wrong ? Besides, I
was unhappy; that was another reason."
"It seems a funny way of curing your unhappiness," said Bernard. But
on second thoughts he decided that there was, after all, some sense in
it. Better than taking soma ?
"I fainted after a time," said the young man. "Fell down on my face.
Do you see the mark where I cut myself?" He lifted the thick yellow hair
from his forehead. The scar showed, pale and puckered, on his right
temple.
Bernard looked, and then quickly, with a little shudder, averted his
eyes. His conditioning had made him not so much pitiful as profoundly
squeamish. The mere suggestion of illness or wounds was to him not only
horrifying, but even repulsive and rather disgusting. Like dirt, or
deformity, or old age. Hastily he changed the subject.
"I wonder if you'd like to come back to London with us?" he asked,
making the first move in a campaign whose strategy he had been secretly
elaborating ever since, in the little house, he had realized who the
"father" of this young savage must be. "Would you like that?"
The young man's face lit up. "Do you really mean it?"
"Of course; if I can get permission, that is."
"Linda too?"
"Well ?" He hesitated doubtfully. That revolting creature! No, it
was impossible. Unless, unless ? It suddenly occurred to Bernard that
her very revoltingness might prove an enormous asset. "But of course!"
he cried, making up for his first hesitations with an excess of noisy
cordiality.
The young man drew a deep breath. "To think it should be coming
true?what I've dreamt of all my life. Do you remember what Miranda
says?"
"Who's Miranda?"
But the young man had evidently not heard the question. "O wonder!"
he was saying; and his eyes shone, his face was brightly flushed. "How
many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is!" The
flush suddenly deepened; he was thinking of Lenina, of an angel in
bottle-green viscose, lustrous with youth and skin food, plump,
benevolently smiling. His voice faltered. "O brave new world," he began,
then-suddenly interrupted himself; the blood had left his cheeks; he was
as pale as paper.
"Are you married to her?" he asked.
"Am I what?"
"Married. You know?for ever. They say 'for ever' in the Indian
words; it can't be broken."
"Ford, no!" Bernard couldn't help laughing.
John also laughed, but for another reason?laughed for pure joy.
"O brave new world," he repeated. "O brave new world that has such
people in it. Let's start at once."
"You have a most peculiar
way of talking sometimes," said Bernard, staring at the young man in perplexed
astonishment. "And, anyhow, hadn't you better wait till you actually see the
new world?"
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